Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Booty Call

As I was pulling on my new red pleather high-heeled boots this morning I had a thought.

No, wait. …I had two thoughts.

Number one was the thrilling fact that I found a pair of boots that would actually fit over my fatted calves. 

Celebrations ensue.

Number two was the dawning that I could pull up my britches’ legs and put on my boots after I already had my pants on.

I’ll explain.

As we have discussed, I am a child of the 80’s. 

Now...all you pretty young things of today can discuss all you want the idea that you heralded in the era of the ‘skinny jean’.

You did not.

We did.  ...and they weren’t ‘skinny jeans’.  They were ‘peg leg jeans’.

I remember quite vividly taking in the inside seam of my jeans in order to get them tighter around my calf and ankle.  And kids, if you were a girl coming of age when I did, you remember doing it too.  …or someone who did.

What does this have to do with boots?

Hang with me.

In my little rural neck of the woods, especially in the era of Urban Cowboy, we all wanted cowboy boots.  But it was a struggle to wear them with our jeans.  It was a process. 

…and here it is.

1.     Lay jeans on floor.

2.    Stuff the upper of your boots into the ankle opening of the jeans. Toes facing the ceiling.

3.    Pick your jeans up by the waist so they are standing with the boots inside.

4.    Scrunch the waist down and over the top of your boots, so that your jeans are semi-inside out and pooled on the floor around your boots.

5.    Step into your boots thus stepping into your jeans.

6.    Pull up your waist band.  It should come to rest just under your boobs.

7.    You will now be wearing your jeans and your boots.

8.    Lie back down on the floor, facing the ceiling.

9.    Inhale deeply.

10.  Suck in your stomach.

11.  Zip your jeans.

12.  Roll over to your side and slowly stand back up.

13.  (Optional) Do several knee bends and hiney rotations to stretch out the jeans.

14.  Apply Aqua Net liberally to hair and leave. (OK that wasn't part of the boot/jean process, but it was part of the process)

What in hell were we thinking?

5 comments:

Primal Sneeze said...

I will carry that picture with me all day.

Back in he 80s we guys called those jeans "mumble pants".

Red Mum said...

Ha I used to use the door handle to lever myself in by slipping the belt bit over it and pulling.

As a result I was left with no belt bits (what are they called?) - loops or something. But you get the idea.

We called them skin tight jeans in Belfast, we obviously had no imagination.

Sugar Britches said...

Primal-mumble pants? Ohhhh! I get it.

Red Mum- Every pair of jeans I owned had a least one belt loop pulled out. I just cut it off and moved on. Cuz frankly, who needed a belt?

Jill said...

Ok- thanks. Those were memories that I had finally gotten rid of - now I have a visual of the "good" old days. I wish my body was as felexible now as it was then, with all the wiggling to get into my jeans!

Sugar Britches said...

Jill, I do what I can!

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