Friday, February 15, 2008

The Wrong Thong

Here comes that cute little Lorna girl walking down the hall.

Her with her thin shapely legs and all.

Christ.

I really want to hate her, but unfortunately she’s one of ‘those’ people who is sweet, kind, and gracious to everyone therefore making it impossible to hate her simply on the grounds that she’s gorgeous.

That pisses me off. I’d really love to hate her.

You see, I’ve always wanted slender shapely legs.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Because...I have an hour glass figure.

Now, it’s more the hour glass from the wicked witch’s castle in the Wizard of Oz than let’s say an egg timer. And time has run out seeings how all the sand has fallen to the bottom.

But it is an hour glass nonetheless.

That being said, I’ve never lost an ounce of fat from my thighs.

I carry my weight in my hips, butt, and legs. So when it comes off, (and it is coming off currently thank you very much for asking) it’s noticeable first in my face, waist and to lesser extent, the boobs.

My knees still blubbereth over.

I’m bringing this up, because I guaran-damn-ty that Missy there down the hall wears a thong.

I spend a lot of time these days folding and re-hanging women’s unmentionables and I have had ample time to study, peruse, and lust after pretty under things.

Mostly thongs.

There are thongs with lace and ribbons and shiny crystal hearts where the dental floss meets the waist band.

A lot of women wear these and swear they are the most comfortable inventions ever created by man. (And I assure you a man had to have come up with this idea.)

I tried a thong.

Once.

I burned it in the wood stove less than 30 minutes later.

I have spent the majority of my life picking my drawers out of my crack. I see no reason to put a strip of fabric up my ass on purpose.

That doesn’t mean though I trot around in high-waisted 'Granny Panties'.

Ew.

I’m more of a bikini/hip hugger kinda gal.

That should satisfy ya’ll’s curiosity. I know there has been considerable interest in what kind of drawers I wear. I daresay it’s been a subject of great debate.

…this blog is called ‘Sugar Britches’ after all.

10 comments:

Laura said...

I spent the majority of this post with a big, wide grin across my face. This was hilarious!!

Sugar Britches said...

Welcome, Laura!

Thanks for that. It's all jealousy on my part. I'd love to be able to wear, comfortably, those sexy little panties.

Erica said...

Are we, like, twins? I was just having this conversation the other day with a friend of mine....I wore a thong...once, and spent the entire day pulling the damn thing out of my boody, when I SHOULD have, maybe, experimented first on the weekend...ya know? To see if I liked it, give it a chance? Never again.

Sugar Britches said...

Erica, I couldn't get 'em picked out fast enough.

I keep thinking maybe I'll try again, but what if it's the same thing? Wasted money. Are thongs like shoes? More expensive means more quality means more comfort? Or are they all the same?

Questions of the universe.

Primal Sneeze said...

I believe the phenomenon is called "having a hungry arse".

Sugar Britches said...

Primal, isn't that a song by Bruce Springsteen?

"Everybody's Got a Hungry Arse"

Eolaí gan Fhéile said...

I'm still digesting this. If you will. And adjusting my cax.

Sugar Britches said...

I don’t know what ‘cax’ means, but it sounds very naughty and this is a family show! ;)

Bou said...

I can't do thongs. I will say, I don't have an hour glass shape and I have the legs you are speaking of. I don't gain the fat in my legs or butt. And those thongs? NO. NO WAY. I wore it once and never again.

But... I have no waist. I'm shaped like a tree. I can lose 20 lbs and my legs will be leaner, my chest smaller, my butt tighter... and my waist still... not there. EVER.

I want a waist-ectomy. or the opposite of one. Forget tummy tuck... I want a waist.

Sugar Britches said...

Isn't it funny, Bou? We always think the grass is greener and all that. I want great legs and my waist. It's the whole cake thing...

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