Thursday, August 14, 2008

Getting this out of the way

I'm sitting outside on my deck watching a storm roll in.  There is a hint of fall in the air.  A cool, autumn like breeze is blowing across my wine glass. 

This is appropriate as school starts tomorrow.

I should be working on the choir booster blog I cooked up, but I need to get this out of my system first.

Lucky you, huh?

It will be a school year like no other because My Big will be a senior and my Little will be a freshman.

Good times.

I say that sarcastically, but it's true.  Even if we all do meet ourselves coming and going.

Little will play football and be in marching band.  A seemingly impossible feat, but doable with organizational skills-which he is blessed with.  He stresses easily, though.  He is extremely hard on himself and I'll have to keep that in check.

Big will want to do all-state choir and perform in the All-state Thespian show.  An actual impossible task due to scheduling.  One will have to give.  And since that will break his heart, it's also breaking mine.  Plus there is that whole getting ready for college thing.


I'm only going to get to do this once you know.

This parent thing.

And for some reason it seems so important during these special years.  I liked high school, no I loved high school.  Except for the part where I never had a boyfriend and of course at the time that seemed more important than anything else.  

Looking back I was blessed not to have to bother.  You see, I know the pressure and the stress they are under being so busy, because I've been there.  I remember specifically standing in Prissy's kitchen before play practice and lamenting the fact that I had to take a dump, but I didn't have time.

But this post isn't about me.  Shocking ain't it?

I need to tell you how much I love these young men.  How fucking proud I am of them.  

But I can't.

I don't have the gift...the talent to put it into words. 'Love' is so overused that it seems inadequate. I wish to God I was a poet.  I wish I could form some kind of unique verse to emotionally communicate to you what I feel for these children.

But I can't.

My words can't, so my body does it for me. 

It's doing it right now by putting this painful knot in my throat. 

It does it by producing tears.

My wretched body puts a catch in my voice so Big Daddy knows when I'm fixin' to let loose.  My voice goes an octave lower when I speak in a vain attempt to keep my eyes from leaking.

I love my children.  I'm so proud of them that I truly feel my soul can't contain it.

So try to stick with me until graduation next May.

I'll be here.

...trying to stay hydrated.


Erica said...

That was beautiful, and more poetic – if that’s what you are going for – than any actual poetic could probably have expressed. In short, I felt you. You really love them a really lot and, by contrast, since I am not a poet, I cannot adequately express to you how much I got it.

Anonymous said...

... well said, ma'am.... thank GOD that school season has started again.....